Today I’m a little bit in a gloomily mood. This mood is even so strange that I want to write this blog in English because I think some feelings sound nicer when they are brought in English.

It’s not always possible to follow your heart. You want to do everything it says to you, but there are reasons enough to keep you from doing those things…
People have feelings, but they don’t know how to express themselves. You want to say something to a special person, but sometimes the words just come out the wrong way. You never intended to hurt that person but unintentionally you just did…

I heard some music today and the chorus lines touched me straight into my heart.

“What in the world can make a brown-eyed girl turn blue.
When everything I’ll ever do I’ll do for you.”

This line is not intentionally for a brown-eyed girl, but the contention of the words are the best description of why I’m feeling the way I’m feeling right now…

I heard the song a thousand times before, but I never listened to this song being so aware of what it meant.

At one time you’re feeling great and just minutes after you’re fading like a flower.

If some of your best friends tell you they don’t know how they feel about themselves, or they tell you they’re not happy with who they are, you want to tell them that they are the greatest person. You want to tell them that they are very special to you and to a lot of other people around them. But, like I said before, sometimes the words just come out wrong. Maybe this line will help…

“To the world you are somebody,
but to somebody you are the world!”

I can’t describe what in particular I’m trying to say whit this blog, I just felt the need to write down some feelings because I don’t know how to express myself when I’m around people. I’s like I wrote a couple of months ago… “It’s not easy being green” or the blog I wrote about a year ago… “Reflection“.

This time of the year is always a dark time in my life. Next weekend it has been 19 years since my mom died, and I still miss her every day. It’s also the time of the year that everybody is talking about the upcoming holidays. But I don’t want to spent X-mas on my own, I want to spent it with someone I love. Sure, I’m going to spent it with my family, and I’m not really alone… I just want to spent it with that special person. Which brings me to the next question, will I ever find that special person. I hate being alone right now, I just want someone who gives me a hug when I come home at night, who kisses me when I’m going to bed, who tells me she will love no matter what…

I know, this isn’t the most happy blog I ever wrote, but I just had to put the words down so they don’t longer only exist in my head…

I’m a very rich person. Rich meaning I have great friends who will do anything for me if I asked them to, but just that special one, will she appear in my world? Where do I find all the answers…

(Sorry voor de mensen die niet goed Engels begrijpen, maar dit was even een manier die ik nodig had om mijn gevoelens te uiten…)